DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
