For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
