I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just saw a hot homeless man
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
