Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
