I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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