I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
