Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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