im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
