dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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