Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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