After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
