my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
