I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
