whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
