And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
