he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
