i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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