Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Small penises have feelings too.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
