Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
