Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
