Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
