If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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