Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
