my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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