I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
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We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
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You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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