Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
