i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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