So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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