I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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