i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
