i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
