I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
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going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
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We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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