sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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