And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize