i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
