What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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