I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
tell me about the eggs
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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