she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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