I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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