I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
