We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
