I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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