somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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