i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
