He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
no. you can't hotbox the world.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
