FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
