told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You made out with two different species that night
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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