why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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