I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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