Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
