I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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