I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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