So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I believe in your delicious
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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