she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
