We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
