No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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