1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Randomize
