How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
