sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
