i jhust puked up my retainher.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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