I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
