how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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