if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
